Tips to Creating a Great Relationship
Updated: Mar 5, 2019
I've often been asked about relationships and how to attract a great partner.
This may be a difficult one to swallow, but I think you’ve got to let go of wanting to have one! What I mean is; that it’s important and necessary that you become truly happy and content with being alone before you can even draw someone into your life for a fulfilling relationship. If you are desperate or anxious that is what you are projecting energetically and you will magnetize a relationship that corresponds to that energy. To help you understand the ‘vibe’ we emanate, think of someone you have met that you instantly took a dislike to or you felt uncomfortable around. Well one of the reasons that this is so is because you are, on a deeper level, picking up their frequency, their energy. And if their vibe is anxious or fearful, for example, you can feel it on some level.
Many relationships are entered into based on a feeling of something missing within the individuals, hoping consciously (or sub-consciously) that they’ll finally feel complete or be happy and this is a recipe for disaster. So, let it go; let go of wanting a relationship. For a start, all the feeling of ‘want’ is doing is creating more ‘want’. And then, when you are truly at peace, here’s a few pointers.
There is a saying that says something like ‘what you want a partner to be like is what you develop in yourself first.’ List the attributes of your ideal mate and ask if you embody those traits yourself. If not, a person with these traits would not be magnetized to you. If the vibe you are putting out doesn’t contain compassion, for example, it’s unlikely the people that become a part of your life will contain it.
In a quiet moment, say ‘I allow myself to attract an equal, loving partner’ or whatever it is that’s right for you and notice what feelings arise and how your body reacts. You could actually say that this feeling in the body encapsulates ‘why that is never going to be a reality’ and that is what is actually in operation in your life.
Observe the feeling or sensation in the body. If you could describe it, what colour would it be? How big? What shape? Then ask yourself the same question again and notice how you feel within your body. (The point being, that the thought forms or belief systems are anchored energetically in the body.) Again, describe the feeling’s shape, colour etc. Repeat the process a few times and whenever the yearning for a relationship comes up throughout the day.
What this is doing is helping you to pull out and observe your response and, in gaining some distance from it the energy that is tied to it is released. In releasing this energy you are changing the vibe you are putting out.
Once you are in your ideal relationship there will come a time that conflict will arise. It’s important to remember that you can’t change how the other person is and that it is you that is creating the way things are. Instead of focusing on how the other person is, or what they are doing, bring it back to yourself. I, myself, have had examples of how this works.
I had a partner many years ago that had an annoying habit. I tried to get him to change by speaking to him and asking him to consider what he was doing and how it affected me. To him it was no big deal and he believed I was being unreasonable. I had to become OK with the situation and come to peace with it. I took responsibility for how I was feeling. I was letting an external situation define how I felt. And in truth that is always a choice. Once I let it go, his behaviour altered. And in fact I discovered the situation was based on wanting to control him. I looked at the need to control and that was what I let go of.
Needing to control every aspect of my life had been something that I identified early on and the universe has helpfully been sending me situations throughout my life to teach me about acceptance and surrender. The Sedona Method has a great section on ‘Effortless Relationships’ that goes into this and much more. The bottom line is, that it’s always really about you and not the other person.