Tips to Creating a Great Relationship
Updated: Nov 16
I've often been asked about relationships and how to attract a great partner.
This may be a difficult one to swallow, but I think you’ve got to let go of wanting to have one! What I mean is; that it’s important and necessary that you become truly happy and content with being alone before you can even draw someone into your life for a fulfilling relationship. If you are desperate or anxious that is what you are projecting energetically and you will magnetize a relationship that corresponds to that energy. To help you understand the ‘vibe’ we emanate, think of someone you have met that you instantly took a dislike to or you felt uncomfortable around. Well one of the reasons that this is so is because you are, on a deeper level, picking up their frequency, their energy. And if their vibe is anxious or fearful, for example, you can feel it on some level.
Relationships can be entered into based on a feeling of something missing within the individual, hoping consciously (or sub-consciously) that they’ll finally feel complete or be happy and this is a recipe for disaster. So, let it go; let go of wanting a relationship. 'Drop' the energy of 'want', even for a few moments. For a start, all the feeling of ‘want’ is doing is creating more ‘want’. And then, when you are at peace, here’s a few pointers.
There is a saying that says something like ‘what you want a partner to be like is what you develop in yourself first.’ List the attributes of your ideal mate and ask if you embody those traits yourself. If not, a person with these traits would not be magnetized to you. If the vibe you are putting out doesn’t contain compassion, for yourself or for others for example, it’s unlikely the people that become a part of your life will contain it.
In a quiet moment, say ‘I allow myself to attract an equal, loving partner’ or whatever it is that’s right for you and notice what feelings arise and how your body reacts. You could actually say that this feeling in the body encapsulates ‘why that is never going to be a reality’ and that is what is actually in operation in your life.
Observe the feeling or sensation in the body. At the core of that feeling is energy. Can you sit with that feeling for a moment or two? Can you relax into it? Allow it to be there? Breathe and feel. Can you then find a way to welcome that sensation and then even feel love for it? The next part of the process is to ask, can I feel love for me? Really feel it, not as an intellectual concept, but as a feeling. Then say the original phrase again and notice how you feel within your body now. Don't forget to breathe. Then finally, after a few repetitions, allow the feeling to dissolve, disappear, to drop away, as best you can. Repeat the process a few times and whenever the yearning for a relationship comes up throughout the day. You will find that the feeling will diminish and this is because you are transmuting or morphing that portion of your energy signature that comprises that old belief - simply by feeling it.
What this is also doing is helping you to pull out and observe your response and, in gaining some distance from it the energy, becoming the observer. Thus the transmutation process is also assisted.
Once you are in your ideal relationship there may come a time that conflict will arise. It’s important to remember that you can’t change how the other person is and that, from the perspective of the observer, it is you that is creating the way things are (essentially for the lessons the soul is on a mission to obtain). Instead of focusing on how the other person is, or what they are doing, bring it back to yourself. I, myself, have had examples of how this works.
I had a partner many years ago that had an annoying habit. I tried to get him to change by speaking to him and asking him to consider what he was doing and how it affected me. To him it was no big deal and he believed I was being unreasonable. I had to become OK with the situation and come to peace with it. I took responsibility for how I was feeling. I was letting an external situation define how I felt. And in truth that is always a choice. Once I let it go, his behaviour began to alter. And in fact I discovered the situation was based on wanting to control him. I looked at the need to control and that was what I let go of. Of course, if you are in harm's way take steps to look after yourself, but it's important to still reflect on the feelings within you.
When we are caught up in a situation it can be difficult to find this objective perspective, however, and to find the root cause of why we are experiencing it. And this is where a person who is not emotionally invested in the situation can help. From my experience, obtaining this perspective is the beginning of healing.